I have read a lot of useless pieces of literature e.g. The Twilight Saga and I’ve realized literary bandwagons are such a let down. Harry Potter doesn’t count, I’ve read the series before it became a bandwagon. I have absolutely no idea why these women love this book so much saying “I just can’t put it down!” Seriously? You can’t put it down? I didn’t even want to finish the book. But in order for me to make a complete review I have taken up the challenge to do so.
Why I think this book sucks?
It’s poorly written. The countless grammatical errors and unoriginal catch phrases make you think if this book even went through proof reading. I can’t help but correct the damn thing in my mind. The editors and Miss E.L. James herself should be slapped with a textbook by their English teachers for creating such an atrocious piece of literary crap.
Now on with the content. It’s too lengthy for such a shallow love story. It’s probably the most shallow love story I have ever read. I highly suggest that people who love this book come out of their hiding place and just watch porn if they’re itching for some. Basically that is what this book is. Porn – in writing; with very poor grammar.
And what is it with Macbooks, Blackberries and Audis? There are other laptops, smartphones and cars you know.
I’ve read a bunch of erotic novels back in the day. Good lord I sound so old. But this is way over the top. After a quarter of the book there isn’t a chapter where Christian Grey isn’t inside Anastasia Steele. Sorry for being crass. I for one find erotic writers amusing with all their word play and out-of-this-world descriptions; but E.L. James didn’t amuse me one bit. She excessively used “Oh my.” in all the sex scenes. As if there was no other word Ana could utter. A little creativity please? It seems as if her vocabulary is very limited. Aren’t writers supposed to be well versed? Just saying. Now, the erotic sense of this novel is a little too kinky for my taste. The Red Room of Pain, the shackles, the floggers and the riding crops are definitely not my thing. Which is why I can’t understand this fad and why women enjoy reading this sort of atrocity. I’d understand appreciation if we’re talking about the vanilla sex and Christian’s effort to change for the woman he
loves wants to fuck on a regular basis but people finding sadistic love making twitterpatting is quite disturbing if you’d ask me.
Another thing – from my understanding E.L. James is British. If you didn’t already google that bit of information you can sense it in the writing “I will collect you at seven.” she says. I don’t understand why is she insists on making her characters American if she can’t do it properly. It’s bad enough that the writing is awful, the characters are so empty. And for some reason her characters thrive on pancakes, bacon, alcohol and tea. A little research didn’t hurt anyone you know. And Americans don’t talk that way. I should know I’ve been talking to Americans for almost 3 years.
My ideas are all over the place I’m sorry. Now on the main characters.
Anastasia Steele. She’s the not-so-in-distress damsel in this story. I can’t help but roll my eyes at the thought of this girl. Pity of a girl if you ask me. I can’t understand her constant need for assurance, as if she didn’t amount to anything. She’s a graduate with a good GPA and she’s gorgeous! Why does she act as if she was Quasimodo hiding in the bell tower? Another thing; why does she keep on wearing Kate’s clothes, shoes and what-not? James makes it look as if Ana was a poor girl from Georgia. Which isn’t the case. There is definitely a lot of inconsistencies in her character which brings me back to the question what sort of writer is James? She’s not doing a good job in meshing the characters with what they say or do in this novel.
Christian Grey. He’s the part of the story every woman is dying to read. The way he touches Ana, the way he makes her feel, the way he’s so mysterious. Every woman wants a Christian Grey or a less kinky version of him. My best friend once told me that I always fall in love with someone broken, someone I’d like to fix. I sort of understood why Ana found him attractive. Aside from the fact that he is physically attractive. He doesn’t make love, he fucks. Then all of a sudden he changes. He learns to make love but he can’t bear the thought of Ana touching him? What sort of sick and twisted story is this? His freaking penis is inside her and he can’t stand the idea of having her touch him? I find it so annoying. This guy fucked this girl during her period! That’s the grossest thing I’ve every had to read, but touching is a hard limit? Dude, I think you’ve crossed the limit the moment you pulled out the tampon from her vagina.
This writing is terrible. It’s uninspired. It’s empty. It’s on my list of books that you should never read. Sorry to all my friends who are fans of this insane wretched piece of literary crap but I speak from my point of view.
For those of you who haven’t read this book yet. I advise you to not waste your time.